what you say: nicki minaj is untalented and a whore
what i hear: i’m boring and misogynistic
i was in the car with my mum today and she stopped reversing and looks at me and was like “is that a hickey ??? On ur neck ?????? did a boy do that to u ????????? i thought u’d be alone forever on ur laptop.” the hickey was a bruise from where i accidentally shot myself in the neck with a nerf dart while trying 2 recreate a scene in star trek. my life is so pathetic even mum wants me 2 get some
update: i got a real hickey
i may be ugly but at least i have an ugly personality too. consistency is key.
i want realistic modern fantasy like
someone finding a dragon egg and livetweeting the process of trying to hatch it (with no prior knowledge on how a dragon egg should be hatched)
a guy selling an enchanted sword on craigslist
a tattoo artist who does spell runes but for really mundane stuff like conjuring a bound demonic pen or for summoning your keys
summoning a demon for the vine
selfies with mermaids
prank calling wizards
She wears short skirts I wear t-shirts and we’re both getting sent home from school because its distracting to boys apparently
okay this one made me laugh
i used to think blogging was writing pages of what you have been doing and plans for the future and thoughts you have and to upload photos of your travels or your friends but here we are as bloggers and all the information that is on my page is 1+1=banana
its so hilarious when straight men can’t think of an insult for lesbians that doesn’t boil down to “I don’t want to fuck you”
buddy have I got some news for you
This time last year I was unemployed, broke, and suicidal.
Today, I just got the keys to my first house.
Give it time.
Needed this today
when you hear people preach that it gets better, they aren’t joking. if it’s not better yet, it will be.
this post could literally be saving lives rn and that is why i love this website.
It’s Monday again. Do you need a pick-me-up? Have some hilarious quotes from The Lego Movie. You’re welcome and everything is awesome.